Chosen or Given

My people say that their life is what they chose it to be, but for me I don’t know if my life is what I chose or what was given to me. I look at the spiritual gifts I have some understandable others unbelievable. Were these things given to me because God purposed my life for these things, or because I was man enough to step up when others were too afraid? Some people may say how can you question God, but I’m not questioning God. I am wondering if what I have been given a cross of inheritance like Esau and Jacob or what was meant for my life when I came out my womb. At the ends of the day are these things too abstract to believe or too concrete that I am afraid of the thought. My life in my own eyes has caused me to feel as though I am golden children. But I don’t want to be seen in that light I have flaws like everyone else, struggle with the same thing everyone else does, and have the pains. All I know is that I believe that love and joy will abide in me because God will lead me and guide me in all truths.